Soulbound
by Marysia
Summary: After Alucard defeated Dracula, what became of his familiars? The answer might surprise you. Chapter 6 uploaded, FINALLY! Sorry about the delay! W00t, the paragraph problem finally got fixed.
1. Mori

As soon he was out of sight of the ruins of Castlevania, Alucard was hit by a familiar, consuming wave of confusion and anguish.  
  
Stepping off the pathway, he took a seat on a large rock and placed his head in his hands. A multitude of questions assaulted his mind, tearing away the front of calm confidence he had displayed before Richter and Maria. In front of them, he had pretended to know exactly what he was doing. He had pretended that he was unshaken by the events that had just taken place, pretended that his own father's death at his hand was only his duty. As he had left the two, he had pretended to know exactly where he was going to go.  
  
All this was completely false. Alucard had absolutely no idea what he should do now that Castlevania was gone, now that he had destroyed the impending threat. He only knew that he wanted to get away. Far away from Castlevania and everything it represented.  
  
To Alucard, the death of Dracula had been far more than just a routine purge of evil. It was emotionally devastating parricide. Alucard had had no chance to exchange more than a few words with his father before the battle began. He wished he could have had longer, wished they could have discussed things that most fathers discussed with their sons. What was that, even? Alucard didn't even know, because Dracula had never been an active father to him...But he couldn't think of him as his father, no...If he had considered that fact before the battle for any length of time, he would almost certainly have faltered once the fight had arrived. Similarly, Alucard was sure that Dracula had not thought of his opponent as a son deserving of attention, just as a threat that needed to be eliminated.  
  
Did he feel what I did? wondered Alucard. Did every blow against me make him want to fall down and die? Alucard had not been close to his father, but he had never had any desire to kill him. Every strike of his sword against the vampire had felt as if an equally strong blow had been reflected back, except instead of targeting Alucard's strong, conditioned body, it cut deep into his feelings and soul. It ravaged the hidden place that was vulnerable and weak behind Alucard's uncaring, emotionless attitude. It hurt. That was the easiest way for him to describe it. When Dracula had died...Alucard shuddered at the still fresh memory. He too had fallen, even if he was the victor physically. He was still in shock from everything that had happened, and he had no idea what to do now. He had no idea where to go. He just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything. Forget that he was a monster to have killed his father, forget that he carried his blood, forget that he too could devolve into the evil he had just shattered himself to eliminate...  
  
"Alucard!"  
  
Alucard's head snapped up, instantly reforming his lost expression into the cool, emotionless mask he always portrayed in front of others. Who was this, and why couldn't they just leave him alone?  
  
Maria.  
  
"What do you require of me?" he asked reluctantly, not wanting to talk to anyone right now.  
  
"I...I can't leave you..." she gasped. She had evidently run to catch up with him, because she was sweaty and breathing hard. Brushing her hair out of her face, she joined him on the rock. Alucard wished she would go away.  
  
"I am not planning to go anywhere in particular."  
  
"That's fine..." Maria replied, smiling. "I'll go anywhere if I'm with you."  
  
She wants to come with me? Alucard groaned inwardly. He just wanted to be left alone, to be given time to recover from the devastating events that had just occurred. He wanted to sleep..But he needed to do as she asked of him. She was a lady, and he was obligated to protect her.  
  
"I suppose you may accompany me, if you wish," he replied with a slight sigh. "I warn you, however, that I may not make the best of company." Alucard needed something to fidget with, and he found himself drawing the cards containing his five familiars out of one of his pockets. None of the familiars were currently active, and Alucard nervously shuffled the cards around as he tried to decide which one to summon. The familiar would be able to sense his emotions and might be able to bring him a measure of comfort.  
  
"I already told you it's fine!" replied Maria brightly.  
  
Alucard began to make a stack of the cards next to him. Sword, Ghost, Fairy, Devil...He still held the card containing the Bat. The Bat had always been his favorite familiar, and also his favorite transformation. He never would admit to anyone that he enjoyed the feeling of freedom that flying gave him. He decided to summon the bat, but as he tapped the card twice with his finger nobody was prepared for what happened next.  
  
One moment Alucard was sitting on the rock with Maria next to him. An instant later, he was seated in the same position with a rather large girl sprawled in his lap.  
  
Alucard was too surprised to do anything except blink. The girl did the same, but then suddenly, as if recognizing him, squealed happily and threw her arms around his neck. Maria made a gurgling sound.  
  
The girl, Alucard realized, was not a normal human by any means. Her ears were very pointy and she had very long, almost vampiric, canines. The strangest thing was the wings. Growing out of her back behind her arms, the bat-style wings flipped and stretched, as if the girl was enjoying her first freedom in a long time.  
  
"Erm..." For once, Alucard was lost for words. Who was this girl and what was she doing on his lap?  
  
The girl gazed around and, seeing Maria, squeaked and slid backwards off Alucard's lap, landing in a crouch and settling into a sitting position. "Sorry...Did I interrupt anything?" she asked, sounding almost apologetic.  
  
Alucard tried to hide his surprise. "Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?" he finally asked.  
  
"My name's Mori," responded the girl, a slight smile on her face. "And you set me free!"  
  
"..Eh?"  
  
"It's a long story."  
  
"Tell me," Alucard insisted.  
  
"If you want, but I'm warning you, it's strange."  
  
"Please, go ahead."  
  
"I wandered into Castlevania a long time ago," she began. "How long ago, I have no idea...All trace of consciousness was suspended. I went in there as a dare, my own need to prove myself stronger than my logic. The magic of Castlevania affected me strangely. I don't know if it was a backfired spell on my part, Dracula, or just Castlevania, but somehow, while shapeshifting I was trapped in the form of a bat. I couldn't turn back..." She trailed off slightly, her eyes unfocused as if remembering. "I didn't really mind being a bat, because I could fly, which is something I had always wanted to do as a girl but never could...once I learned magic I could shapeshift for a short while, but I always had to turn back soon because my powers were so limited."  
  
She sighed slightly, then continued. "But I'm rambling. Anyway...I didn't really mind the transformation, until..." She paused again, as if not sure how to explain. "Until I was somehow trapped...I don't know what happened, or who did it, but suddenly I found myself in a very unpleasant state of being." Yet again she stopped, gathered her thoughts, and continued. "It was like being forever trapped in a state between sleep and awakening. I was dimly aware of what was going on, but I was unable to see anything but blackness. And I could never fully comprehend anything, because I couldn't really think. It was just...Haze...I hope the afterlife isn't like that, because it certainly wasn't something to look forward to. I don't know how long I was like that. Weeks? Months? Years?"  
  
Mori's speech trailed off again. It appeared to Alucard as if she was carefully measuring everything she said, as if she was desperately trying to avoid phrasing things wrong.  
  
"Then, suddenly...Everything came rushing back. I don't know how it happened, or why, but I found myself still in Castlevania, with all my senses working perfectly, and still in the form of a bat. I looked around and the first thing I saw was you!" She pointed at Alucard.  
  
"My name is Adrian Farenheights Tepes, but you may call me Alucard."  
  
"I don't know what happened. I must've imprinted or something. Because from that point on I felt compelled to follow you everywhere that you went, to try to defend you...I still want to..." She looked down at the ground, blushing slightly, obviously embarrassed in Maria's presence.  
  
"Are you saying you were my familiar?" asked Alucard, now genuinely curious.  
  
"I guess so," Mori answered. "I don't know what the terms for things like this are...And it appears that I was in that form so long that I've retained parts of it," she added, stretching her wings. "I don't mind, though. I've wanted wings all my life...It seems like whatever was holding me in that form disappeared as soon as I left Castlevania, though. I got returned to that strange state of consciousness every now and then while I was in the castle...I was worried I would still have to deal with it after I left Castlevania, and I'm really glad it all seems to be over.."  
  
She stood up and, gazing at Maria, murmured "I guess you don't want me around anymore...But, I just want you to know that, even when I was trapped in my bat form, being with you was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me..."  
  
"I never said I wanted you to go."  
  
"That's good, because....Well...I can't. My entire state of being, my entire consciousness, revolves around you...It has ever since you first set me free from that prison. And as long as you're still alive, I'm entitled to protect you the best that I can...Changing forms doesn't stop that any."  
  
She turned and looked him straight in the eyes. "Alucard, we're soulbound."  
  
Maria, who had been silent for the entire discussion, made a squeaking sound. Alucard sighed inwardly. He still just wanted to rest, but that was beginning to seem like an impossibility. Life was becoming more complicated by the minute. And he had a feeling it wasn't going to get any better. 


	2. Nayra

            Although Alucard still just wanted to go to sleep, a sudden realization hit him. While conversing with Mori, he had forgotten about the other four cards that were piled next to him. Upon realizing that they were there, he picked them up and, silently rearranging them, gazed at Mori.

            "Do you think the others have changed like you too?"

            "I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised," she replied thoughtfully. "They probably have similar stories to mine. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm the only one..I guess the only way for you to know is for you to summon them and see what happens."

            Alucard was surprised at the reluctance he felt. "But...Does that mean that you'll be sent back?" In Castlevania, he could only have one familiar active at a time. And Mori had seemed so terrified while describing her altered state of consciousness that Alucard didn't like the idea of forcing her back into that unless it was absolutely necessary. He lacked the absolute dedication to her that she possessed towards him, but he also felt a connection to her, as if he was bound to protect her the same way she claimed to be to him. He thought it was strange to see his former companion in adventure in a body nearly equal to his; in the past he had always thought of her almost as a pet, a possession he used for his own defense. He had always assumed that her loyalty to him was that of a dog to its master, not that between friends, as she seemed to be indicating now. In fact, he had never even realized her gender. As a bat, he had always assumed she was male. It was purely an assumption; there was nothing masculine about her, but possessing no knowledge to tell male and female bats apart by their mannerisms, he had guessed that she was male—

            "Alucard? You there?" 

Mori's concerned voice cut into Alucard's thoughts. He hadn't realized how deeply he had been sinking into his thoughts. He did this a lot, just fell into his thoughts and left his surroundings without even meaning to. Lost his hold on reality, almost. It was hard to explain, but it often left his conversational partners (the few he had) annoyed, because he appeared to be insinuating that their speech was boring. It had nothing to do with that, really. He could be extremely interested in something and blank out—

            "Alucard?"

            Alucard almost smacked himself in the face. He'd done it AGAIN! 

            "Yes. I apologize; I lost myself in thought again. It is a habit of mine."

            "I answered your question, but I guess you didn't hear me," Mori said with a trace of sadness in her voice. Alucard mentally clubbed himself. He had already hurt her. He almost preferred the innocent, pure devotion she had showed as a bat, because that required no mental effort on his part. It wasn't that he was being selfish or that he didn't like to have someone to trust and be trusted by, it was that he seemed to always screw things up. Always...

            "What I was saying is that I don't think so," said Mori, snapping Alucard back to reality yet again. "I don't feel bound the way I do before, like I could go back there any moment, at your command. Not that I'm accusing you," she added hurriedly. "I know you had no idea what it was like, and there was no real reason for you to pick me over your other familiars." Alucard was relieved, for he had been willing to mentally beat himself again for allowing her to suffer pain because of him. However, he felt a surge of guilt at her last comment. She seemed to feel inferior to them, and he had probably not helped this. He should have used her more often...

            "I still feel attached to you, soulbound to you, even", she added, "but I don't feel the obligations the same way I did in there. It's hard to explain. I still feel just as dedicated to you now as I did then, but I don't feel like your servant. Just as your friend." She smiled slightly, and Alucard wanted to smile back but he found that he couldn't seem to. It had been so long since he had smiled...so long since he had been happy...He couldn't even remember being happy since he was a little boy, and his mother was still alive, and his father loved him and wasn't a monster..not a monster that had died at his own hands..

            Alucard turned away from Mori, the familiar feelings of angst and hatred welling up inside him. He had completely forgotten that Maria was seated next to him, and she seemed quite distressed by this. If he had been paying attention, he would have been relieved. He really wanted her to leave him alone. 

            Mori, sensing the pain that Alucard was in but unsure of how to help, lay a hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to see what happened with the other familiars?" she asked, hoping it would distract him. It did, at least to some extent.

            "Alright.." murmured Alucard, obviously far away into his own thoughts. Mori had a feeling that they weren't pleasant, so she pulled a card out of the stack and handed it to him. 

            "Here, try the Fairy Familiar."

            Alucard listlessly picked up the card and tapped it.

            Neither he, Mori nor Maria was prepared for what happened.

            A girl tumbled to the ground, instantly squealing. She had long blonde hair, and wore a fluffy pink dress that ended just above her knees. Her most unusual feature was the wings. Where Mori had a pair of batlike wings, this girl had large, butterfly style ones. Alucard quickly glanced at Mori and was relieved to see that she was still standing there, and appeared to be conscious.

            The fairy girl looked up at Alucard and, brushing a hand through her hair, glared at him.

            "You just, like, messed up my dress! EWW!"

            Alucard blinked.

            "Like, who are you?"

            "My name is Adrian—"

            "HEY!" she interrupted him. "I just, like, realized! You're, like, that guy I've been totally following around for, like, forever!" She giggled. 

            Alucard groaned inwardly. He had taken to Mori quickly, but he had a feeling that this girl was going to be more of an annoyance than anything else.

            "And whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?" Mori could tell by his tone, although it only changed minimally, that he really had no pleasure at all in speaking to her. Mori admired his constant formality while speaking. She thought it made him sound intelligent and cultured, and his relatively flat tone seemed to further this view in her eyes. She wasn't sure why, but it did, and she liked it.

            "Like, um...Oh yeah! My name's Nayra!" She gave another one of her vapid giggles. "Like, I'm not sure exactly how I, like, ended up here! Last I remember I was totally in that nasty castle! Eww! It was all, like, dark and damp and it TOTALLY ruined my hair!"

            "What were you doing in Castlevania in the first place?" Alucard had to admit that right now was the closest he had come to laughing out loud in years. He managed to suppress it in his tone, however.

            "Like, um...I totally don't remember! That was, like, forever ago!"

            Alucard suddenly began having coughing fits into his sleeve. He couldn't even remember the last time he had laughed, and this was admittedly a pleasant change. However, the prospect that he might have to deal with Nayra on a long-term basis was enough to quickly change his viewpoint into one of horror.

            "What do you plan to do now that you are free of Castlevania's confines?"

            "Like, um..." Nayra seemed to have difficulty comprehending his statement. "Like, I'm totally gonna stay with you! I, like, have to!"

            "I require nothing of you," replied Alucard, his tone quickly becoming much more sober. "You are free to do as you wish."

            "But, like, I wanna stay with you! You're totally cute!" She began to giggle again.

            "...Cute?"

            "Like, yeah!" She winked at him. Alucard was horrified. He could think of few prospects more frightening than this one. In fact, Nayra made the idea of being with Maria, previously a dismal idea, seem as if it had been fated from the start. 

            Mori seemed to be equally repulsed by Nayra's vapidity. However, she knew how strong the soulbond was, since she possessed it herself...She knew that Alucard was stuck with Nayra, because the soulbonded literally could NOT be apart save one of them dying. This was a frightening possibility, because the death of one usually left the other terribly crippled emotionally. Usually. Mori had a feeling that Alucard would have been relieved to be rid of Nayra. 

She wondered what it would be like to have several individuals soulbonded to her, the way Alucard did. He had her, Nayra, and whoever the Ghost, Devil and Sword familiars would manifest themselves as. For Mori, Alucard was her entire life, the ultimate axis of her emotions, the center of her consciousness. She did not exist if not for him. It sounded like some sort of highly advanced infatuation, but there was nothing she could do about it. It would have happened with whoever had rescued her from her mental prison, no matter how unsavory a character. She could hate the person as a person, yet serve them with her whole being, her whole mind, soul and body. Not that that's what it was like with Alucard..no..she had never met someone as wonderful as he was, ever...

            As Alucard continued to exchange words with Nayra, Mori began to sink into her own thoughts the way Alucard had earlier. She felt like she was intruding on Alucard, that she was a burden to him. When she had first appeared in his lap, she had been ecstatic, until she had noticed a girl sitting next to him. Surely he loved her, surely she was just getting in the way, there was no way she could ever be anything to him...Mori didn't know if she loved Alucard romantically or if her feelings were simply a result of being soulbound. She knew, though, that she never wanted to be seperate from Alucard. And she knew that if he married another woman, like this girl who he was with before she had dropped in and ruined everything, that he wouldn't want her around. She would probably be driven out, either by him or by herself...

She could imagine few things worse. It was worse for one of the soulbound to be refused while still alive than for the connection to be severed by death. That partner would have to live the rest of their life still bound to the other, yet rejected in the most painful sense possible...Their entire life would revolve around trying to find a way back into the favor of their partner, even if there was no way possible..

            Mori couldn't imagine how this would develop if someone had more than one person soulbound to them. Like Alucard. She wasn't sure if all soulbonds were the same as hers, but what if they were? What if the rest of her life was doomed to be in competition with someone for Alucard's attention? He would probably end up rejecting them both! Mori could think of few things worse than being rejected by him. She would rather die than live with that pain. Except that that might cripple him the way it would if he were to die...But probably not. After all, he had the other FOUR soulbonds, while her entire life was already directed at maintaining one bond. She knew the bond was less binding to the one who had done the rescuing than to the one who had been rescued. Otherwise Alucard wouldn't be nearly as horrified to have someone like Nayra bonded to him. He would be ecstatic. If he didn't have an emotional breakdown from the overload of having to maintain more than one connection, though. Mori couldn't imagine it, since so much went into just one..

            _I wonder if he cares about me?_ thought Mori. _I see how he is to Nayra, even if she doesn't...Does he secretly think I'm the same way? I hope not, but I don't know..I don't know.._

            Mori and Alucard simultaneously glanced at each other, Alucard to see if she was still holding up and Mori just to look at him. Their eyes met for a moment, and Mori, reading his expression even though it was blank, knew that Alucard felt horrible about having to deal with someone like Nayra. She was unsure of how he felt towards her. She hoped she wasn't like that...

            Both of them wondered what was in store when the rest of the familiars were released from their mental prisons. And both had begun to dread the possibilities.


	3. Moonlight

            As the three had been speaking, time had continued its eternal march forward. The day had begun to slowly disappear, the sky fading from blue into pink and then beginning to melt into blackness. Alucard and the others had been preoccupied with their activities, and failed to notice that dusk was falling until a chilling breeze alerted them all to the fact that the light and warmth of the daylight sun was ebbing. The lack of heat was the first thing they noticed.

            "It's getting cold." Maria spoke for the first time since Mori had first appeared, shivering slightly.

            "Like, yeah! And dark too!" Nayra enthusiastically added.

            Alucard nodded blankly. He was all too aware that night was falling. As the daylight continued to pass, he felt himself becoming more and more comfortable and at ease. He vastly preferred shadows and the night. Unlike his father and other vampires, Alucard was able to tolerate the sunlight, but he in no way enjoyed it. He was extremely relieved to be in the growing darkness.

            "We should rest here for the night," Mori suggested. "Or somewhere around here...Where are we going, anyway?"

            Alucard shook his head. He hadn't planned to go anywhere, had planned to just wander aimlessly until he found a place to rest. He needed to go away...he needed to extinguish his father's bloodline....He hadn't counted on having company. Although he wished they would all just leave him alone, he knew he would have a very difficult time getting rid of Mori and Nayra, with the attachment and devotion they showed for him. And Maria...Why had she followed him anyway? He couldn't deal with feelings she had towards him, if any existed..He didn't know how...he was a monster...and he didn't want his father's bloodline to be continued..

            "The nearest town," Alucard responded. He didn't know where that was or what it was called...he had been asleep for so long in Castlevania...he didn't even know what year it was. He didn't want to ask, though, because he knew the others would get suspicious. He was mostly worried about Mori and Nayra, since Maria knew what a monster he was..            

Shaking out of his thoughts, Alucard added, "I do not know how far away that is, so I agree that we should rest here tonight. We can sleep in the forest." Nayra made a face at this. Alucard wasn't surprised; he hadn't expected her to be an avid camper. She could deal with it, though. They weren't going to set off on an unknown road in the middle of the night.

            Alucard knew the others would be hungry, and he pulled out several hard rolls that had been wrapped in his cloak. He had no desire to join their respite, but he forced himself to eat, not wanting them to worry about him. Nayra whined about how bad the food tasted, and Maria and Mori tried to make conversation, but it seemed awkward and was filled with pauses. It was probably because he was there, Alucard thought bitterly. He seemed to mess everything up.

            After they had forced down the paltry meal, the group retreated under the forest cover, making sure they were out of sight of the road. Maria had a cloak she could wrap herself up in to sleep, but Mori and Nayra did not, so Alucard took his off and gave it to them to share. He wasn't sure which of them looked more disgusted at the idea of sleeping together, but both decided it was better than freezing. Alucard stood and watched them as they drifted off to sleep, and as soon as he was convinced they were asleep, he walked off by himself, trying to fight down the urges that had begun to sweep over him.

            He had begun to fear himself again.

            Although Alucard was much more comfortable under the cover of darkness, he despised himself for it. In the shadows, his inner demon surfaced...the genes his father had given him began to be fully utilized. His vampire half became active, predatory. He was afraid to get close to anyone because they would be potential prey when he was like this...

            And he was hungry.

            They smelled so good...During the day, his vampiric senses had been less acute, and the scent of the human blood was also dimmed by his turbulent emotions and his surprise at the events that had taken place. But now, in the growing darkness, his dark side reawoke. He could smell their blood and it was beginning to get under his skin, to taunt him, like it would a dog who could smell its dinner but know it would be punished if it ate.

            Is that all he saw them as? Alucard mentally rebuked himself, angry to have even mentally made the comparison. They were supposed to be his friends, and he couldn't see them as more than a potential meal.

            Were they really his friends?

            Had he chosen them? No. They had chosen him. All he had wanted was to be left alone, and they had appeared, insisting they wanted to keep him company. What if he didn't _want_ to be kept company? 

            The smell..the smell was so tempting..It was like being starved for weeks and getting whiffs of an indulgent feast..

            Being only half-vampire, feeding on blood was not a requirement for Alucard. He could survive purely on the food humans ate, but the comparison was pathetic. It was like being raised on oatmeal and water when succulent delicacies were at your fingertips...

            The smell...it was driving him insane...All he wanted to do was take one of them, to sink his sharp teeth in and drink until he felt full again..he had not been properly sated in a long time...

            What would Mori do if she knew he was a monster? Knew his father was the reason she was imprisoned in the first place? Her admiration for him would certainly disappear. Especially if she knew he thirsted for her...He hated it in himself, wanted to slash himself to pieces if it would remove the desire from him...it stopped him from getting close to anyone because he was too scared he would hurt them, too scared he would KILL them, too scared he would have to live with his own actions for eternity..because for him it would never be over...

            Alucard paced around, trying to forget. But the smell was always there, maddening, consuming him...He was cold, without his cloak, but it was more important for the women to have...Oh, how he wanted to strike...They were all so helpless, lying there unconscious...They would never even know what happened...

            But the fact that they were women made it even worse. Alucard was supposed to defend them, not destroy them. He was such a monster..

            Alucard sank to the ground, clutching at his silver hair with his hands, clawing at it, tearing into himself, trying to forget the smell...he wished he could go to sleep, but trying to sleep in a condition like this was futile...

            And then, suddenly, it got even worse.

            The smell grew even stronger.

            Alucard pushed himself against a tree, allowing the bark to dig into his forehead, trying not to notice...

            "Alucard?"

            He whirled around, the bright moonlight illuminating a figure that was standing there.

            Mori.

            "Why are you here?" Alucard responded, worried that he had allowed more than the usual emotion into his voice.

            "I woke up when Nayra kicked me...I looked around and saw you weren't there, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay..."

            Alucard silently cursed the moonlight. He wished Mori hadn't noticed his absence, wished she hadn't come, wished she knew what she was making him go through..

            She smelled so good..it was so tempting...Maddening..

He now knew the feeling many men spoke of, that of being unable to control themselves..Most men used it in the context of sexual desire. Alucard himself had never felt attracted to anyone, as far as he could remember, and whenever he heard a man speak of the all-consuming nature of his desire, he never believed him, sure that it was just an excuse. He even looked down upon those who spoke of it, hating them for the weakness that allowed their selfish, self-pleasing desires to overcome them.

            Now he knew differently, if it was as strong as his urge to take her was...He was just as bad as they were, he thought acidly. He, too, wanted to take advantage of her, except in his case it was even WORSE. Because with them, at least the women had a chance at pleasure too. If Alucard took her like he ached so badly to do, she would either be left dead or seriously injured; her well-being was at stake just to satisfy his cravings...oh, how he hated himself...But he wanted it so badly..wanted HER so badly..

            "Mori, I...I think it would be best if you left."

            "Why?" He could tell from her tone that she seemed a bit hurt, and he scolded himself for not expressing himself in a more eloquent manner.

            "Just...Go..." He couldn't think...he couldn't think...the smell...he couldn't control himself much longer..

            "I need to make sure you're-"

            "GO!" Alucard barked, tightening his hold on one of the tree branches to try to restrain himself. Frightened by the tone in his voice, Mori turned and tried to flee, but in her haste she caught her foot on a fallen branch, crashing to the ground with a squeal of surprise and pain.

            For a moment, Alucard's chivalrous instincts overrode his vampiric ones, and he leaped to his feet and ran to her side to help her up. However, as soon as he reached her the already taunting scent increased exponentially, causing Alucard to grit his teeth against it as he helped her up.

            When he opened his eyes to make sure he was guiding her correctly, he realized why. She had somehow scraped herself, and an open wound on her face was bleeding profusely..

The sight of the blood was too much for Alucard to take.

"Oh..." he groaned, falling to the ground.

He wanted her..he wanted her SO BADLY..all he could think of was how enjoyable it would be...the taste of the warm sweetness that would leave him transformed..he didn't care about the consequences..he just wanted to take her and be satisfied...be full for once...he wanted it so badly..he NEEDED it..

"Mori, get out of here," he moaned softly. "GO!"

Sensing the urgency in his voice, Mori took off and ran, this time not faltering.

            Alucard struck his hand against the ground, silently cursing himself for not taking advantage of his opportunity, cursing the moon for being bright enough that all this had happened...

            Why hadn't he done it? It would have been so easy..he could have brought a stop to this torment, so easily...He could have been in ecstasy..If Maria and Nayra had been upset, he could have taken them too!

            He hated his father, but he wanted to be like him...he wanted to have no regrets, he wanted to do what he wanted when he wanted...and he wanted to take her...

            He could still smell them and it was driving him insane...What was stopping him? Why couldn't he do it? WHY? He was going to drive himself out of his mind...

            Alucard cried out, softly, knowing that nobody would be able to hear him. He wanted to end this...why couldn't he? 

            But why did he want to do it? She was the first person who had ever trusted him. He would be lying if he said he didn't want to be trusted...Didn't want to be loved...Did she love him? He didn't know, but he seemed to hope he did...and he hated himself for that. He could never allow himself to get close to anyone..He'd just hurt them! He'd destroy them! He'd come so close just a few minutes ago, despite all these feelings of wanting her to care for him! He had never known anyone as hypocritical as himself! And now she probably thought she'd done something wrong, she was probably ripping herself to pieces for making him yell at her..if only she knew why it had happened..if only she knew he was a monster and he wanted to destroy her, to destroy everyone..

            _Why do I have to exist like this..._ Alucard shook his head, wishing he would die. He needed to die...he needed to stop his father's bloodline...but he couldn't die...even if he tried to kill himself, he would survive. That was another reason he couldn't get close to anyone, because his bloodline needed to die with him...

            Why did he have to have the immortality his father had? Why couldn't he have been a mortal like his mother? At least then there would be a possibility of escape..

            He couldn't let himself get close to her. But he wanted her to be close to him...but one required the other, didn't it? Didn't it? Nothing made any sense anymore...he just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up...He couldn't die, but he could sleep...

            He wished he could die...he wanted to die...

            Alucard curled up against the dirt, hating himself even more for indulging in the angst and self-pity, wishing he could just take his pain without whining about it, even if he was only whining to himself. 

            He shivered uncontrollably, wishing he could have his cloak, but he knew they had to have it...He wondered where this sense of chivalry had come from. He wondered why he had a conscience, why he couldn't just destroy everyone without thinking like his father had...he would never have been bound by this...

            _But..he loved Mother..._

            Alucard shook his head. He couldn't think anymore, didn't want to think anymore. He lay against the ground, staring at the moon, watching clouds drift across the sky. His vision blurred occasionally, but he never allowed himself to cry, suppressing the urges and hating himself even more for the weakness. Why was he so stupid and self-indulgent?

 Finally, after he had mentally chased himself in circles for what seemed like an eternity, he became too exhausted to stay awake, and he drifted off silently, to an uneasy world of tortured nightmares.


	4. Sei

Alucard's left eye opened halfway and was immediately assaulted by the blazing brightness of the morning sun. He instantly snapped the eye back closed, the accompanying throb of pain exploding through his head. After waiting a few moments, he opened the eye a crack and gradually allowed himself to adjust to the daylight before opening both eyes fully.  
  
For several moments he blinked and stared at the blue, cloud-dotted sky through the trees. It was already after sunrise, obviously. How long had he been lying here?  
  
He lay there blinking for a bit longer, still not entirely sure how he had ended up here, and then the memory of last night's events hit him like a chunk of rock out of Castlevania's outer wall.  
  
He had wanted to bite Mori! Taste her blood, drink it, drain her life, kill her even!  
  
The desires that had been so consuming, so unavoidable, during the night had receded now that the blanket of daylight covered the darkness. He could still conjure up a desire for blood if he concentrated on it, if he tried hard to bring it to the surface, but otherwise it was barely even noticeable.  
  
That made the memory of the previous night even harder to bear.  
  
Alucard knew he should get up, but he did not want to confront the group. He didn't want to see Mori after what he had done the night before, and he didn't want to deal with Maria and Nayra in the first place. He knew they were hungry, and he knew that he was probably the only one who carried food. He usually kept several rolls tucked inside his cloak, and sometimes fruit and other nourishment. He knew he should get up and feed them.  
  
But he couldn't.  
  
He couldn't face them after last night. How could he? Had Mori told the others about what had happened? Would they be fearful of him, as distrustful as he was of himself? Mori did not know his background, did not know about the now-dormant monster inside him. He should tell her, but he didn't want to risk frightening her away. She seemed to be the only being on earth that cared about him (other than maybe Maria) and he didn't want to risk destroying that bond.  
  
He couldn't go talk to them.  
  
Yet he knew he had to.  
  
Sighing quietly, Alucard forced himself into a sitting position. He would go, of course. His pointless adherence to a standard of chivalry and devotion would make sure of that. He needed to feed them, and then he needed to escort them to the nearest town. If he could even find it. He hadn't been out of Castlevania for so long that he barely even recognized this road. It had changed a lot over the years.  
  
The half-vampire finally stood and walked in the direction of the camp, using his not-entirely-gone ability to smell human blood to determine the direction. After not very long, they came into view. Nayra was still huddled under his cloak, but Mori and Maria were sitting on a log together, talking about something. They stopped when he approached.  
  
"Hey, Alucard!" Nayra grinned brightly. "Like, where were you? We were, like, getting worried."  
  
"I wished to give you some privacy," Alucard answered honestly. He didn't, couldn't, elaborate.  
  
"I had the strangest dream last night…" murmured Mori.  
  
Alucard blinked in silence. Was it possible that Mori didn't remember the events, that she only chalked them up to a nightmare?  
  
"What happened?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious. It was rare for his voice to contain as much emotion as it did at that moment.  
  
"I don't remember..." she answered, thinking. "Running in the darkness, through the woods, being scared of something. I don't remember what. You were in it, though."  
  
Alucard was speechless. He just stared at her. How could she not remember? Maybe she did, but was pretending it was a dream in order to assure him she held no grudge against him. In any case, Alucard was grateful that she had forgiven him.  
  
"Do you have any more food?" she asked, sounding a bit sheepish. Maria, as usual, was silent. Alucard nodded and produced some bread, as well as a few fruits. Everyone seemed curious as to where he got all this food from, but nobody said anything.  
  
They ate quietly, focusing on their meal. Alucard kept wondering about Mori's comment. Had she really thought it was all a nightmare? He, Alucard, had had some fairly realistic nightmares before, and sometimes confused those memories with recollections of actual events. Perhaps she had thought it was just a particularly vivid dream, and was unable to remember enough details to realize it had actually happened. Or else she knew it had actually happened and didn't want him to be worried. But how could she pretend like nothing had happened? He had screamed at her to go away and leave him alone, when she had just been trying to make sure he was okay. How could she not have been hurt? It had been for her benefit, but she hadn't known that. She would have thought she had somehow offended him, or that she had done something wrong in trying to check on him. Besides, didn't she notice the gash on her cheek? It was still there. Maybe she didn't feel it and nobody had commented. Or else she figured she'd gotten it some other way, like having rolled onto a sharp stick near her face while she slept. Alucard decided that if she needed to talk about it with him later, in privacy, she would.  
  
After the meal, the party again set out on the road. After a short discussion they agreed to go north, away from Castlevania's remains. Maria was fairly sure there was a town only a few miles away, so the group set off in that direction. Alucard shot several glances at Mori, trying to read her expression, but she seemed to have turned her concentration within. Maria and Nayra tried to make conversation, but Nayra's vapidity soon caused Maria to lose interest. The group made most of the trek in silence.  
  
About midafternoon, when Nayra's complaints about the walk were starting to become completely unbearable, the first signs of a settlement began to appear. Farmhouses, then more farmhouses, then a tavern. After a few more minutes of walking, the group had reached the middle of the town.  
  
It was fairly unimpressive. The dirt road ran down what was obviously the main street, with a few shops and restaurants on either side. An inn or two, atop a tavern, was also visible. At the end of the cluster of civilization, a single church steeple rose. There were not many people around, perhaps because of the heat of the sun-baked day. A few figures moved down the street, some lazed on porches, and others were visible through the windows of buildings, but there was nothing impressive about the town.  
  
Alucard was sure they stood out against the overwhelming drabness of the settlement. His suspicions were rapidly confirmed when a little boy, who had been sitting on a porch petting a dog, raced into the bakery he was resting in front of. Alucard could vaguely hear a call for the boy's mother, who poked her head out the window, frowned slightly and then disappeared again.  
  
Alucard got the feeling they weren't welcome. Out of the four of them, the only one who was dressed 'normally' was Maria. Nayra was, too, but the large wings sprouting out of her back undoubtedly made her dress seem of little importance in comparison.  
  
"Do you wish to rest here tonight?" Alucard asked the others softly.  
  
"We don't really seem wanted," Mori observed, stating what everyone had been feeling. "Maria? Do you know how far it is to another town?"  
  
"Several days away from here, walking," Maria responded. She seemed grateful that Mori desired her assistance. "It would be faster by carriage, but I doubt we can find one here."  
  
Alucard sighed. In just a few hours it would be getting dark. He wouldn't mind camping again, but he knew that Nayra definitely would, and the other girls probably wouldn't be happy about it either. They deserved a hot meal and a relatively safe place to sleep. Even though, he realized, camping might be safer than an inn attached to a tavern. If they were attacked by any forest creature, Alucard could fend it off easily. He didn't know how easily he could protect them against the sort of people who lurked at taverns, because he had no desire to be accused of murder.  
  
"Would you prefer to rest here or continue on?" Alucard asked, though he had a good idea of what the answer would be.  
  
"Like, I totally don't wanna camp again!" Nayra squealed.  
  
Mori nodded. "I'd prefer to stay here as well."  
  
Maria shrugged. "If they want to stay, that's fine."  
  
Alucard could tell from her tone that she would prefer moving on. He knew Maria was uncomfortable with the reception they'd already gotten, and would prefer to camp. He, too, would, and that would leave them split. He could probably force them to go on, because he was the unofficial leader of the group. However, he was more worried about Mori's opinion, and she seemed to really not want to camp again. Maybe she was scared of something like the previous night happening again. Alucard didn't really blame her. Besides, he didn't even know where they were going. He had planned to simply wander, become completely lost until he found himself. He hadn't counted on having company.  
  
"Very well," he responded. "Where would you like to stay?"  
  
All of the inns looked relatively well-kept, and Alucard doubted any of them would be too dangerous in a small town like this. But then again, you never knew.  
  
Mori glanced around, then gestured toward one of the smaller places, but the one that looked the best kept. "That place looks the safest," she declared. "Anyone disagree?"  
  
No one did.  
  
"It might be more expensive, though..." she trailed off.  
  
"Do not trouble yourself over such matters," responded Alucard, assuring her he could easily cover the cost.  
  
The group entered the building, finding a snoozing clerk placed next to a staircase leading upward and a door leading into what was obviously the bar. It was empty now, in midafternoon, but Alucard guessed it would fill up as the night approached. After all, why would there be so many taverns in a settlement as tiny as this one?  
  
"Excuse me, sir.." spoke Alucard.  
  
The man jerked awake, staring at them uncomprehendingly for a moment. Then his sleepy face twisted into a scowl. "What do you want?"  
  
"We're looking for a place to stay," Mori answered for him. The man looked at her, frowning, obviously unsure if he was awake or not.  
  
The man continued to glare at them. "Five hundred," he replied sourly.  
  
Mori gasped softly and hissed into Alucard's ear. "He's ripping us off! No hotel room is worth that much. He just doesn't like us."  
  
Alucard wordlessly reached into his pouch and pulled out the needed sum, shoving it across the counter.  
  
The man handed them a key, still looking unfriendly. "3. Up the stairs, second to your right."  
  
"Thank you," replied Alucard, guiding the others up the stairs.  
  
As soon as they were out of earshot, Nayra began to babble.  
  
"Like..what is everyone's PROBLEM with us? They're totally mean!"  
  
"We do look kind of odd," Mori answered with a slight smile. "They probably wonder if they had too much to drink last night..."  
  
"Whatever," replied Nayra definitively.  
  
By this time they had reached the doorway. Alucard placed the key in the lock and turned it, pushing in the door.  
  
All four were unimpressed with what they saw.  
  
Two straw beds were covered with a thin fabric, looking very scratchy and uncomfortable. There was no blanket, but no need of one, with the heat.  
  
"Are we just gonna, like, stay here all day?" Nayra squeaked.  
  
"You are free to leave if you so choose. I will remain here."  
  
Apparently pleased with this prospect, Nayra scampered out the door. Maria looked as if she was going to follow her, but then remembering Alucard and Mori, decided she wanted to remain in the room with them.  
  
Both of them wished she would go away.  
  
"There are still three familiars left," Mori reminded Alucard. "You should reveal another one."  
  
Alucard nodded, taking a seat on the nearer of the two straw beds. Though the increasing size of the group was a bit annoying, he had to admit that he felt genuine curiousity for how the other familiars would turn out. He reached into his cloak and pulled out the first card his fingers brushed against.  
  
Ghost.  
  
Mori was watching with rapt attention, and even Maria seemed interested.  
  
Alucard tapped the card twice.  
  
A rush of cold air instantly hit him, almost knocking him off the bed and causing him to reflexively shut his eyes. Nothing like this had happened for the other two, and for a moment Alucard had wondered if he had made a mistake in choosing the Ghost to release. When the wind had subsided, Alucard cautiously opened his eyes.  
  
Before him stood the Ghost Familiar.  
  
Alucard had been half-expecting a true ghost, but the person standing before him was definitely made of flesh and blood. At first glance Alucard thought the figure was female, but on closer inspection he realized it was male, although quite feminine in appearance. He looked young, perhaps not older than fifteen, but he also gave the impression of being ancient, as if he had been arrested in his growth for many years. His hair was long, but appeared to have grown from years of inattentiveness rather than intentional styling. His eyes were gray and full of sorrow. He stared at the ground, his ragged gray clothes and bare feet furthering his unkept image. Even his skin had a grayish tone. Perhaps the strangest thing about him was the gray-white aura that emanated from his body, making him appear spectral and almost otherworldly. He did not speak.  
  
"What is your name?" Alucard inquired.  
  
The boy's head snapped up, an extremely frightened look on his face. Upon seeing Alucard, however, the terror in his eyes eased, replaced by almost a tenderness, a devotion that took Alucard aback. However, he didn't respond.  
  
Alucard stood up and approached him, and, by a sudden impulse, touched the boy's cheek. He flinched horribly as Alucard's hand approached, but upon seeing that he wasn't going to be struck, he relaxed somewhat.  
  
His skin was icy cold, but he seemed very much alive. However, the glow and the impression of agelessness made Alucard wonder. It was almost as if he was somehow trapped between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Not as far into the world of the dead as ghosts were traditionally thought to be, however.  
  
Being touched gently by Alucard seemed to relax the boy enough that he could formulate a reply to the half-vampire's question.  
  
"Sei, sir..." The boy seemed unsure of himself, almost as if he could not even remember his own name. Either that or he felt uncomfortable using it.  
  
"You're safe with us, Sei," Mori said from nearby, sensing his discomfort.  
  
Sei whirled around, the terror in his eyes again, until he looked at Mori. Then he seemed to relax again.  
  
"Thank you for your kindness, ma'am."  
  
The boy seemed frightened of everything. Alucard found this strangely ironic, since ghosts themselves seemed to be the target of many peoples' fears. The boy was surprisingly polite for one his age. He was surprised by the fact that he wanted to know Sei's past. Wanted to know what had made him the way he was. Most of the time he could care less what people had been through, because he, Alucard, had probably been through a lot more. He hated hearing people angst and complain. And he knew that what people decided not to share was their own private business.  
  
Still, he wanted to know about Sei.  
  
Maria, apparently relieved by the added presence in the room, declared that she, too, was going to leave the stuffy room for a while. After a brief discussion in case she and Nayra did not return before Alucard wanted to go to sleep, it was agreed that the three girls would share the larger of the two beds, and Alucard and Sei would share the smaller one.  
  
Maria left once the discussion was finished, leaving Alucard and the two familiars there. None of them had any desire to leave the room, fearing they would be treated with the same harshness they had received on the way here. Mori and Alucard were also tired from the walk, and were grateful for a chance to rest. Alucard couldn't help wondering if he should have released Sei after Maria left. Now he wouldn't have an opportunity for that private conversation with Mori, if she even wanted to have it.  
  
Mori curled up on the bed designated for the girls, instantly falling asleep. Alucard wanted to join her in a nap, but decided not to. After all, the more tired he was tonight, the better. He didn't want to have to face the same temptations as before...  
  
Sei eventually took a seat on the edge of his and Alucard's bed, looking around nervously as if he expected to be punished for this action. When no reprimand came, he relaxed slightly. Alucard wanted to talk to him, but recognized from Sei's expression that he wanted to be left alone. It was an expression that Alucard felt himself wearing too often.  
  
Alucard reclined on the bed, folding his arms behind his head. He was tired, but he knew he had to stay awake. He couldn't afford to be awake in a closed room with four humans tonight.  
  
So he just stared at the wooden ceiling. Stared and waited for night to fall, waited for his instincts to return that he knew had the potential to destroy anyone if they got out of control.  
  
He only hoped he would be able to keep them in check tonight. 


	5. Bliss and Torment

Alucard awoke with a start, once again finding himself dazed and unaware of his surroundings. This time, however, he was in the darkness, and he could tell by the intense smell of human blood that he was not alone.  
  
After a few moments, it struck him. He was in the hotel room, and he had fallen asleep like he'd promised himself he wouldn't! Now he'd never get back to sleep, and he'd have to wrestle with himself for possibly hours...He didn't know the exact time of night, because the room was pitch dark and isolated from the stars. Alucard rubbed his eyes, knowing that in a few minutes they would adjust enough to the dark for him to see around. He could only smell an overwhelming amount of human bodies; he was unable to distinguish the number.  
  
Alucard frowned in the darkness, trying to remember what had caused him to jerk awake. He had not been dreaming as far as he could remember, and had not even remembered falling asleep. He had been staring at the ceiling, at every water stain and knothole in the rough wood, when he had apparently been overcome...He had remembered lying on top of the blanket, but now he found himself tucked under it, as if someone had relocated him.  
  
He must really have been asleep to not notice that. He was usually a light sleeper, not by nature, but because of the tormented nightmares that usually came to him in sleep. He was awoken frequently by these, and as a result did not allow himself to get too deep into sleep in the first place, because he unconsciously knew that he would simply be awakened. Oddly, this did not help, because Alucard found his most vivid and realistic dreams came to him in the state somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness, with the vague realization that the dreams were merely dreams, but which did not take away from their impact.  
  
Still, though, if he hadn't even noticed being picked up and resettled...The lack of sleep, combined with the incredible stress of recent events, must finally have caught up with him.  
  
Yet now, at who knew what hour, he was wide awake. And he had to endure the rest of the night. Here. With humans. Who he knew were delicious...  
  
At that moment, Alucard realized why he had been awakened.  
  
Somewhere near him, off to his left, he heard a piteous sound, a combination of a whine and a moan. It severely startled him, causing him to sit up and look around in alarm. He could see the other bed from his vantage point, and his eyes, adjusting to the darkness, aided by his vampire blood, could see the outlines of three bodies. Maria and Nayra had apparently come back in. It really must be late. The scent of the blood was almost maddening...  
  
The sound hadn't been a female voice, Alucard realized after replaying it in his head for a few seconds.  
  
Then, suddenly, instantaneously, he remembered Sei. He whirled around, staring at the figure he realized was lying next to him in bed.  
  
Upon doing so, he realized Sei was indeed the one who had cried out.  
  
The boy was curled into a ball, and had shoved off his covers yet was shivering terribly. Alucard couldn't tell whether it was because of cold (even though the day had been swelteringly hot, for some reason the temperature had dropped to freezing under cover of darkness) or fear, because Sei was obviously having some sort of nightmare. He writhed around under the covers, sweat standing out on his forehead.  
  
Wanting to ease Sei's pain, and also afraid he'd wake up the others by crying out again, Alucard placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.  
  
"Sei?" he hissed, trying not to wake anyone up. "Wake up, you're just having a dream." He shook the boy's shoulder slightly. Either the words or the action succeeded, and Sei's eyes fluttered open. He stared blankly, his eyes still containing a look of terror. The glow that emanated from him, easily visible in the blackness, seemed to flicker sporadically. Alucard's heightened nocturnal senses were able to register all of this discomfort, and he rubbed Sei's shoulder softly. "Do not worry, you were only dreaming."  
  
Sei looked embarrassed. "Sorry, sir," he muttered. "I have that nightmare a lot."  
  
Then, he suddenly stiffened, as if paralyzed with fear.  
  
"You're..." he trailed off, apparently terror-stricken. "You're...his son, aren't you?"  
  
"Whose son?" replied Alucard, having a feeling he knew the answer.  
  
"...Dracula..."  
  
"What makes you think that?" Alucard knew that pretending to be innocent was a losing battle. Sei had somehow recognized him, although he had no idea how.  
  
"He...used to talk of having a son..." Sei looked incredibly ashamed. "You have his eyes."  
  
"I suppose there is no sense in hiding," sighed Alucard. "Yes, I am," he admitted, knowing that lying to the strange boy would only bring trouble. He felt the accursed bloodlust stirring again, but he forced it away, "How did you know my father?"  
  
That was obviously the wrong question to ask. Sei's eyes closed, and he seemed to unconsciously curl up.  
  
"It doesn't matter," he murmured. He said nothing else, apparently feeling like he had said too much already. Alucard was genuinely curious, but he realized that it was a tender subject for the boy and he had no desire to upset him further, as he was obviously already greatly troubled.  
  
Alucard was still fascinated by the gray-white aura that shone from the boy's skin, creating a strange glow around him. It did not collect around his head as a halo would, but rather surrounded his whole body. Alucard couldn't help wondering about his nature: was he really a ghost? But he couldn't be, for he possessed a human body...  
  
Sei's eyes gradually opened again. His eyes were filled with a strange torment, which Alucard noticed but felt powerless to aid. After a few moments, the boy began shaking again, and he took several shuddering breaths.  
  
"This reminds me of...You remind me of..." He was obviously reliving terrifying, horrible memories before his eyes, because his blank, vague stare and tormented eyes were an open window into his inner pain.  
  
"What?" Alucard asked softly. He had a feeling that speaking to the boy softly, and reassuring him constantly, was probably the only way approach him. However, this did not have the effect he had anticipated. The boy whimpered softly, and, to Alucard's surprise, actually began crying. He made no sound as he did so, allowing the tears to run silently down, collecting in his ear as he pressed his face sideways against the makeshift pillow.  
  
"It was so painful and so scary...But it wasn't straw, it was silk..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Alucard managed to keep the curiousity out of his voice, because he had a feeling that knowing would only make the situation worse.  
  
Sei suddenly looked at him directly. "You're hungry, aren't you, sir? You're thirsty. Thirsty for the one thing that will sate you. Even if you deny it, I know you are."  
  
Alucard's concern for Sei had managed to override the sensations that clawed at him, but they had gradually been returning, and as soon as Sei mentioned the desire, it blossomed out of control again.  
  
Alucard gritted his teeth, pathetically trying to hold back his urges.  
  
"Yes..." He wasn't sure why he felt a desire to be honest with this boy. Somehow, he just sensed that there was no point to lying, because he seemed to know everything anyway. Maybe one acquired some degree of omniscience after death. Whatever the reason, Alucard knew that lying to Sei would serve no purpose.  
  
"You can..." Sei trailed off, obviously in pain. "You can take me, sir."  
  
"What?" This time Alucard could not keep the surprise out of his voice. Nobody had ever volunteered as a sacrifice, and although Alucard was going almost insane with desire, he did not want to hurt Sei. Just like he hadn't wanted to hurt Mori.  
  
"I can't die." It was a statement delivered without a trace of doubt. "Please, Alucard. I know how badly you want it. You'll feel better afterwards..."  
  
"What will happen to you if I did, though?"  
  
"Nothing will happen to me, sir. I'll pass out. I'll wake up in the morning, just like normal."  
  
"Are you sure?" Alucard, despite his doubts, was struggling with his desires like a man struggling with a full-grown lion. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to just grab the boy and sink his teeth into his inviting flesh, to drink of that which would restore him to full physical and mental health...  
  
"Of course I'm sure, sir. This isn't the first time this has happened to me."  
  
At that moment, Alucard finally lost the struggle. The thought of having a willing victim, the knowledge that he would not be killing him, and the simple fact that he hadn't fed in so long caused him to lose control over himself. In his mad lust, the statement was disregarded completely, and would not be thought over again for quite a long time.  
  
Distantly, the thoughts sounding as if they were coming from another place, another time, Alucard cursed himself bitterly for his roughness as he pushed the boy's head to the side, exposing Sei's neck, the pale, glowing gray skin and the blissful carotid artery which ran underneath..carrying that fluid which embodied life itself, which could be passed from one to another to sustain either one..  
  
Alucard scraped his teeth against Sei's neck, delighting in the torment waiting inflicted on him, the anticipation growing with every nanosecond, until he was finally, truly, out of his control....  
  
He plunged his teeth downward, driving through flesh until he tasted that bliss, that hot, incredible lifestream, that warmed him, energized him, surged through him, replenished his life and energy, caused his entire body to literally shake with pleasure as he finally indulged that which he had dreamed of for so long...Every second added to the bliss, and with each moment he could not understand how he could possibly have been satisfied with the one before it...it had certainly been worth waiting if only for this, the moment when he finally put his abstinence to and end, the moment when he allowed himself to fall prey to his desires..it was all worth it, so worth it...it was eternal bliss, in the eternity of a moment he was trapped in forever and for no time at all...this is what he was made for, what he lived for, what he thrived on...it was so incredible, and it increased exponentially with each passing second...  
  
Then, just as quickly, it was over.  
  
He wasn't sure what internal signal told him to stop, what drove him to cease the bliss of feeding, but something did, and he instantly jerked out of his ecstasy, and lay there, panting, the tips of his teeth still coated in blood...Sei lay, his eyes shut tight. Alucard couldn't tell if he was conscious or not...  
  
Just then, the full impact of what he had done hit Alucard.  
  
How could he have? How COULD he have? He was the most monstrous being that had ever existed! How could he have done that! Sei had been scared, had been terrified of something, and instead of trying to comfort him – seriously, anyway, and for more than a few seconds – Alucard had probably added to his terror by draining his very life! What would Sei think of him now? He'd think he was just like his father, cruel, bloodthirsty, evil! And he was, wasn't he? He had half his genes, and they manifested themselves as truly as they would had he been a full-blood vampire. He was just as monstrous, just as incapable of using reason. That had been the WORST possible time to feed, and yet he had done it anyway, just like an animal, like a monster! The blood, which he had so greedily delighted in just a few moments ago, made him feel sick as it sat heavily in his stomach. He wished he could somehow return it..  
  
Alucard sank back onto his pillow, self-hatred welling up and exploding. Now Sei was going to be terrified of him, and once everyone else found out, they would be too. Did he have any chance left with Mori? Probably not. Once she found out, she'd realize that she had almost been his victim the previous night...and then, from there, it was obvious as to what would happen..  
  
Alucard raised his fist helplessly, letting it silently drop back onto the scratchy straw bed.  
  
He would never succeed as a man. If only because he was half vampire.  
  
And he would never succeed as a vampire, because he was half man.  
  
Alucard lay there silently, hating Dracula for falling in love with a human, hating his mother for falling in love with a vampire. He hated them both! Why had they given birth to him?  
  
Alucard turned over and buried his face in his pillow, crying softly. He rarely cried, rarely allowed himself to show the emotion, but he was now. For the fact that he was ruining his life, for the fact that his genes and his parentage allowed him no possible course BUT to ruin his life. He hated himself..more than anyone in the world, more even than his parents..  
  
After at least an hour of this, from emotional exhaustion, Alucard finally drifted into a half-sleep. This one, however, was racked with even more nightmares than usual, such as those of someone trusting him completely only to be betrayed in the worst possible sense. Through the haze of sleep, Alucard mentally screamed at himself, wishing he had never been born, as if perhaps he could will himself to disappear.  
  
He knew that would never happen, though.  
  
If he had been born to suffer, so be it. 


	6. Brooding

Author's note: I'm really, really sorry about the huge delay in writing. I was having a major writer's block attack, and when I tried to write, it would come out sounding bad and forced. I finally got another chapter done, though, and there will probably be fairly regular updates from here on out, though my writer's block attacks can be sporadic and last for months. ^_^; Also, now that I'm in school, I don't have that much spare time. But I'll write when I can! Also, the song in this is Yakyoku (Nocturne), the Japanese SotN ending song. Much prettier than I am the Wind. I have an mp3 of it, email me if you want it. Arigatou! ^_^

I'm SORRY about this all being one huge paragraph - I've spent about an hour trying to fix it and it doesn't want to fix. I have no idea what's wrong with it. ::so frustrated:: 

Alucard awoke slowly, a nightmare gradually dissipating to reveal the hotel room. The half-vampire remained still as his senses gradually returned, keeping his eyes shut and feigning sleep as he tried to remember what had occurred during the night. He had a general feeling of uneasiness, as if he should be feeling guilty, although he could not remember why. 

Then, as ithad happened the morning before, he instantly recalled the previous night's events. Sei! He had preyed on the helpless boy, indulging in his lifeblood, disregarding the consequences completely! What would the others say? What would they do? Mori had probably not told them about what had happened the night before, but what he had done to Sei would be all too obvious by the puncture marks on the boy's neck. There would be no more hiding. Everyone would know what a monster he was. 

Sei knew. He knew, but Alucard knew that he wouldn't tell anyone. He didn't seem to talk much. Alucard vaguely remembered Sei speaking of Dracula, almost as one would speak of a master. If he had known him, some kind of loyalty had probably carried on to Alucard. He knew that Sei would keep his heritage a secret.

At least verbally.

The marks on his neck would show everything.

If he even survived! Alucard's stomach lurched with worry. Sei had told him he was incapable of dying, but what if he had only told him that to convince him to take his life? What if there was just a cold, stiff body next to him where Sei had been just hours before?

A corpse. A corpse with telltale marks on the neck, testifying to Alucard's inner monstrosity. Mori would be scared away, Maria would be horrified. Nayra would probably not comprehend what had happened, but she would probably be dragged away by the other two.

How could he have been so careless, so animal? He had simply let his urges overtake him, despite knowing better. He had let his dark side show, and this sickened and angered him. Why did he not resist? Was he really that weak of a man? Was he becoming overtaken by his father's instincts and urges? 

A sick, cold feeling of guilt spread from Alucard's stomach to the rest of his body, causing him to twitch. He knew he had to look to see what had happened, but he was too frightened. He was too frightened to face what he had done. Alucard finally forced himself to open his eyes, his stomach lurching with nervousness as he glanced over at Sei.

The boy was very much alive, much to Alucard's relief. Sei seemed peaceful, his chest rising and falling in restful slumber. Most of the room was dark and shadowy, as the sun had not yet risen. However, Sei's silvery glow still emanated, illuminating his features. His face was free of any imperfection; no wrinkles or blemishes scarred it. It was youthful and perfect, although Sei did not act young. He seemed to have been frozen in this form for some untold amount of time, perhaps even hundreds of years.

Sighing quietly, Alucard rose from the bed and walked to the window. He thrust it open, grateful for the breeze that caressed his cheek. He needed to be alone, to think...It was still dark, although sunrise would soon approach, and Alucard glanced around to make sure his roommates were still asleep. He mumbled a spell, and his arms transformed into wings, his body shrunk and his clothes dissolved into a thin covering of fuzz. Alucard rarely took on his bat form outside of the castle, but in this case it seemed like the easiest way to escape the room without notice. 

He flew out the window and immediately arced upward, spiraling away from the building and the town. He wanted to be alone...away from the people who constantly trailed him. He flapped frantically, trying to get as far away as possible from the town as quickly as possible. The air, at first welcoming, was cold, and as the wind whipped by his airborne body Alucard momentarily wished for his cloak. He was battered by the fast-moving air, and flew on sporadically, not knowing where he was going.

After around fifteen minutes of flying, Alucard vaguely heard the sound of running water, his hearing intensified by his bat form. He wheeled downward, and seeing a flowing stream through the first glow of sunrise, came to rest on its grassy bank. He transformed again, regaining the form of the half-human, half man monster which he abhorred. 

Alucard had come to this spot to brood, and that was what happened as soon as he allowed his thoughts to settle. He loosened his cloak, sweating slightly as a result of his exertion now that he was seated and clothed in many layers of finery. He leaned back into a reclining position, his long silver hair spilling across his back and chest. He regarded it with slight disgust – although it had grown dirty during his absence from the castle, it was shining more brightly this morning than it had in weeks.

Indeed, his entire complexion seemed more lively. He could feel the blood in his cheeks, could tell that he had been renewed from the previous night's experience. He leaned over, able to slightly see his reflection in the moving water as the morning light increased. Although the water rippled, distorting his portrait, and he had a dim reflection anyway due to being half vampire, he could see the change in himself. His lips were red and full, his cheeks posessed life instead of their usual deathly pallor, and his protruding canines appeared even longer and sharper than normal. Even his hair seemed to radiate. A sanguine trickle had dried on his chin, and he reached up in disgust to wipe it. He looked like a true vampire, and one who had just delighted in a sinful, yet pleasing, forbidden act.

His thoughts had been blissfully vague up until this point, when they suddenly began to form a barrage of self-deprecating commentary. Alucard berated himself mercilessly for taking advantage of Sei, and for being such a monster as to have allowed himself to take pleasure in doing so. He could not deny that it had been pleasurable – he had never experienced anything in his life so rewarding as the taking of another's blood, another's life, of absorbing it into his own...

Alucard mentally slapped himself. How could he be letting his thoughts degenerate in such a manner? He should not acknowledge that it was pleasurable, he should pretend it had never happened, or he would want to do it again...Yet at the same time he knew it was impossible to stop himself from wanting it. It was not his fault; it was an unearthly hunger given to him by his father. Yet it was wrong, sinful; he should not encourage such thoughts and desires, he should work to stamp them out, should eradicate any fantasy that appeared...

Alucard mentally equated the sensation with the sexual pleasures of full humans. Although he was inexperienced in such matters, he often heard humans prattle on about how wonderful such sensations felt. He had no personal doubt, however, that they could never equate to the sensation of taking blood. A thought briefly flitted across his mind of somehow combining the two, but he pushed it away. Such things were for humans, not for him. He knew nobody could ever love a monster such as him, and he also knew that taking someone's lifeblood usually resulted in their death. He did not want to be guilty of murder..He usually just took animals to feed his thirst, yet Sei had been a willing victim...And he had not died. Alucard couldn't help wondering how Sei had survived, although his suspicion that Sei was somehow undead was beginning to gain substance in his mind.

Alucard started suddenly, sensing a human form nearby. A moment later, he heard a voice singing quietly, the mournful tones piercing the silence.

_Megami wa eien no, shiawase no naka de... Nageki tsuzukete wo, utau nokutaan..._

The song sounded vaguely familiar to Alucard, yet he did not know where he had heard it. The words were hauntingly beautiful, conveying sorrow and hope at the same time.

"Is somebody there?" Alucard questioned out lound, instinctively reaching for the dagger at his belt even though he knew that the person singing was not dangerous.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Sir Adrian.." Alucard was surprised at this address: few people called him Adrian, let alone _Sir _Adrian. The voice that had spoken it was small and frightened, yet clear. A figure emerged from the bushes behind Alucard, and, much to Alucard's surprise, it was Sei.

"Alucard," he responded coldly, while trying to formulate a response to Sei's presence. How had he appeared? Even more importantly, why had he appeared? How did he know where to go?

"Sorry, sir...You're probably wondering why I'm here and how I knew where you were.." Alucard nodded. "I just...I wanted to see you, alone..." Sei blushed slightly. 

"Why?" asked Alucard. Then, seeing Sei's exposed neck, he covered his face, unable to look at Sei as he remembered driving his teeth into that neck, of lapping the blood, of being recharged... "Sei, please forgive me for my actions last night. It was most unusual for me. I will not do it again."

"It's alright, sir. I am accustomed to it."

"What do you mean?" Alucard was curious. "Last night you mentioned it having happened before. How? And when?"

Sei's blush remained. "I'd rather not talk about it, sir."

"But you said my father was involved."

"Well...he was..."

"How did you get here?" Alucard decided that changing the subject would be wise, although he still was curious.

"I walked. I can sense you...I think it's because of the bond we have. I was your former familiar, and I had to be able to follow you wherever you went, even if we couldn't see each other. And now I still have that ability..."

Alucard was surprised at the depth of his familiar's connections. Mori had spoke of being soulbound. Was that what it was? Were their souls truly intertwined? If so, how had last night's experienced affected it? Had it brought them even closer together, or had it driven them apart?

"Sei.." Alucard sighed. "I do regret what occurred last night. It was a very immature thing to do, as well as a very poor time to execute such an action. You were in need of comfort, not further terror."

"It's okay, sir," Sei said again. "I won't tell anyone."

"But..." Alucard trailed off, pointing limply at Sei's neck.

Sei twisted it, revealing the place where Alucard had bitten him. Alucard fully expected to see the familiar scar, two small circular points above the vein, yet he saw nothing. He murmured an exclamation, surprised at the sight. Alucard didn't want to scare the others, especially Mori. Maria already knew of his heritage, and Nayra was too idiotic to care, but he did not want to ruin his chances of friendship with Mori by frightening her. There had already been the close call in the forest...How was it that fate kept causing him to evade responsibility? He was glad that the others did not know what had happened, yet he felt extremely guilty at having to keep it hidden. At least Sei knew, and Alucard could talk to him about it.

"I told you, I won't tell anyone, sir," repeated Sei. "And now, I think we'd better start heading back. I don't want them to worry about us."

Alucard nodded in agreement and stood, although he had no desire to return to the others. And he knew, as he reached into his cloak and rubbed the two remaining familiar cards, that it was only going to get worse. He knew that he would be pushed to reveal the remaining two, and once that happened, he would be surrounded by more people, more soulbound individuals.

Sometimes he just wanted to be alone.


End file.
